A Day in the Life of the President

 

My fellow executive members thought it would be a humorous anecdote for me to relate to the events that occurred before and after our August AGM, as sort of a “day in the life” piece. I think they are a bunch of sadomasochists myself, but here goes:

 

Having a rather busy schedule, and a hectic life, I could not make it up the cottage for the long weekend in August. I decided I would just come up by myself Saturday, for the one night, and head back after the AGM on Sunday.  So, Saturday morning I set out early, expecting to be at the cottage by noon. All the rest of you people should have already been up there, and there should be little traffic. Not so. The roads were jammed and it took me an extra 2 hours to get up to Parry Sound from Kitchener. And along the way, just at the Holland Marsh (you never see anyone working the fields at the Holland Marsh -- have ever noticed that? It is Ontario's salad bowl and yet, apparently, their produce is harvested by elves under dark of night).

 

But I digress…. At the Holland Marsh my car decided to quit on me. Just stopped. Wouldn't go. Sat there for a while, considering my options (now, see if there were people working the fields, I could have sought their help, but noooo). Then, did the only thing that us non-mechanically inclined can do in such a situation, said a prayer and turned the key. And it turned over! Not sticking around to ask questions, I joined the line of cars, crawling up the 400 at a snail's pace, and kept agoing. Made it to the MacDonald's at highway 89 and stopped to check out the car and get a bite. Of course, the line up was 30 deep. Of course I was in the slowest line. Of course, when they rang up my order it came to $6.66! I don't know. I am sure I have ordered a Quarter Pounder Meal before and it has never totalled $6.66.I told myself that that was not a bad omen. Of course not!

 

Made it to Parry Sound, got over to the island and discovered that there had been a break in attempt at our cottage. 4 window screens had rips in them, and the back screen door had been torn off it's hinges. The offender had not made it into the cottage though, the offender being a mama bear and her two cubs, which have been harassing the island this summer.  I put things back together as best I could, and then went next door to my sister's cottage to see if the bear had been there. Oh, yes, indeed, it had. It had pushed open the porch door, to get access to the kitchen window from the porch. It then smashed the window, crawled in and had torn the kitchen apart. It was just like a scene from a Disney movie, there were broken canisters and flour and sugar everywhere. And broken glass, and tuffs of bear hair!

 

So, I can't leave it like this. My sister and her family are all in Calgary and won't be back for weeks. I don't know how to turn their pump on, so I bucketed water up from the bay and cleaned it all up. It took me several hours; a cottage has a lot of nooks and crannies. I have to admit as I moped up the sugar, that I held a secret wish that the bear would develop diabetes. 

 

Then there was that big gaping hole where the kitchen window used to be, so I nailed a piece of plywood over it, 3 inch spike nails. Hung my sister's very cutesy "wipe your paws" back up. From the state of the kitchen wall I could tell they hadn't followed that directive anyway. 

 

Headed back to my cottage, and made the mistake of phoning the matriarchs in our family to tell them what had occurred. They put their heads together and suddenly I was no longer  "allowed" to stay at our cottage alone. I was sent off to the relatives to spend the night.

 

Sunday morning, up bright and early and headed out. Had my boat filled with boxes of stuff for the AGM. Since I don't dock at Glen Burney, I drove my car from my marina, Point Pleasant, over to Glen Burney. The AGM was great. Everyone pitched in to help. Even though it was a very hot day, many people stayed behind to help us load up the chairs and tables. Thanks to all of you.

My car got loaded up again and I headed back to Point Pleasant Marina. When I got there, there were fire trucks in the upper parking lot, blocking any access down to the boat docks. I don't know why they were there, but there they were, and they were not budging. So, box by box, I trucked it all down to my boat. It is a good walk even on a cool day and it was STINKING HOT. Finally I got it all in the boat and headed back to my cottage where, I promised myself, I would just stay long enough to have a beer on the deck, then head for home. But before I do that, I should check my sister's cottage again.

 

That thick piece of plywood, nailed in with spikes had been pulled off the window like it was cardboard! Where, yesterday, they had just pushed the porch screen door open to get access to the kitchen window, today, they had ripped both screens off the porch doors. And this time, once in, not being satisfied with what they had previously found on the counters, they got into drawers (pulled the drawer plates right off) and into the fridge. So, now, there was salad dressing and macaroni noodles all over everything. I wiped the place clean one more time. Nailed the plywood back on, again with the 3-inch spikes, but with them spaced every 2 inches. That plywood is never coming off. (Sorry about the loss of your view sis). Then nailed huge plywood sheets over both porch doors. (not an easy task alone!) I have told my sister that she needs to have a crow bar with her when she returns to that cottage, or else she ain't getting in.

 

Finally, back to my own cottage. There is not time left now for that aforementioned beer on the deck. I will just pack up and go. However, now I find that the wild life at our cottage had been busy. No, not bears, MICE! They had gotten into the food in our pantry. OK, so I clean that up. I bag that garbage, and all the garbage from my sister's cottage, and lug it back to the city with me.

 

Back down I go on the 400. It is late Sunday afternoon of a long weekend. There should be no traffic till Monday. But, of course there is. It is even worse then the drive up. I finally abandon the 400 and take highway 27. It is bumper to bumper. Then my car decides to die again. At the side of the road, cursing. Give it a couple of minutes, it starts no problem. What is going on? Make it back to Kitchener late at night, put the garbage out on the curb and collapse into bed.

 

Wake up Monday morning, and all the bear garbage from my sister's cottage, and all the mouse garbage from my cottage, is strewn all over my sidewalk, as some animal has gotten into it. So I get to clean up one more time.

 

I am thinking of rescinding my membership in the World Wildlife Fund.

 

Stop laughing.

 

Tracy Biggar