SOME
THINGS IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
-- by Dave Barry
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Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.
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If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not
achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
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There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." |
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No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
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When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very
often, that individual is crazy.
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Never lick a steak knife.
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Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
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The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. |
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You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that
you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her
at that moment.
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The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
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I
get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
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